Some of you already don’t like the sound of this. Possibly you are already frustrated with the amount of effort that is required on Valentine’s Day – the card, the meal, the gifts, the attention to extra details, the time required to do it all. I know of some guys that just hope their wives will say, “Hey, you don’t have to do anything for Valentine’s Day. It’s OK to pass. I know you are busy and financially tight.” Guys, beware! There’s good reason to serve your wife well on Valentine’s Day.
Why does your wife love Valentine’s Day?
Your wife loves Valentine’s Day because she gets more of you. She enjoys extra attention. She hears from you through a card. She receives a gift as a demonstration of your love for her. For this one day, she remembers what it is to be the center of your attention. For this one day, she sees a glimpse of the guy she fell in love with. She feels special because you make her feel special.
With these benefits, why wouldn’t you want every day to be Valentine’s Day?
If Valentine’s Day creates the environment where your wife feels loved and special, receives your gratitude and attention, and basks in the renewed connection and confidence, what husband in his right mind would think that this is a bad thing to repeat every day of the year? Imagine the wife that lives continuously confident in, satisfied with, and encouraged by her husband’s love! In fact, you can imagine it – that is exactly what she enjoyed when you were first dating her.
What hinders us from making every day Valentine’s Day?
I hear what you are saying and can discern your thoughts from afar. You are shouting, “LIFE! Who has time Kevin to treat his wife each day as if it is Valentine’s?” I get it. I hear you because I am one of you. Work. Children. Church. Friends. Responsibilities. Other opportunities.
But wait my friend! Most of us had all those exact same pressures in our lives (except for children) when we dated our wives. Just remember back with me for a second…you were crazy for her. I can remember how I treated my wife. I would drive thirty minutes across town and thirty minutes back just to leave a note on the window of her car or scrape her windshield which was snow or ice covered. I found the time then to offer to drive her to work and pick her up – not because she needed a ride – just because I wanted to see her, spend time with her, enjoy her smile, and make her laugh. I remember writing notes, sending cards to her through the mail, and creatively suggesting all kinds of ways we could spend time together. All of this while working forty hours per week, being a full-time college student, having virtually no money, and still finding time to hang out with college buddies. When I think about it, how was this even possible?
Every day was a Valentine’s Day
because I desired to win her love, prove my love,
and enjoy our love together.
Trying to put it as graciously as possible, so what does hinder us from making every day a Valentine’s Day? Simply our choice to do so. We are not as passionate about or committed to loving her as when we dated. Life’s pressures, the daily routine of family life, past sin and struggles, and future uncertainties vie for our attention. We allow the immediacy of these things to crowd out what is of most importance – our relationship with our wives.
So, how can we make every day Valentine’s Day?
Work at it. We can make a commitment in our heart to put our wife back at the top of our priority list just under God and right before our children and church. Remember Paul’s words, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25). We passionately compare our love with that of Christ. We look at Christ’s love for us and the church first, then we allow that love to motivate us to love our wives in similar ways (cf. Ephesians 5:1-2; 2 Corinthians 5:14-15). With the right focus (Christ) and the right motivation (the love of Christ), we passionate strive to love and serve our wives in similar ways.
Some Practical Steps
First, begin with self-counsel or self-assessment. Consider ways you used to demonstrate your love for her. How did you treat her when you were dating? What did you do to win her heart? How did you communicate your love for her? How often did you change your day just to make her day better? How did you personally sacrifice to spend time with her, tell her you love her, or serve her?
Once you have identified a few of those areas, consider how you can begin to do those same things today. Start small. You do not have to do all of them today but making a determined choice to do one or two things per day is a great start. Leave a hand-written note. Send a love text. Write on the mirror. Hold her hand. Compliment something. Start her car. Clean the windshield. Bring her a drink. Wink at her. Smile. I think you get the idea.
Life certainly has changed though since when we were dating. Therefore, take inventory of the new norm. Ask yourself, what are the current pressures in her life? What are tasks that I can volunteer for which will make her life more pleasant? How can I joyfully and willingly sacrifice to help her enjoy her day? What can I do that will benefit her directly? How can I intentionally help her? Ask yourself these plus many other questions to help you make careful good observations regarding her daily life and pressures.
Making every day Valentine’s Day begins
in the small stuff – not the dramatic.
Consider all the small things you can do to help your wife experience the joy she has on Valentine’s Day the rest of the year. Let me give you some examples. Make the bed. Pick up the dirty clothes. Put your shoes where she wants them. Put the toilet seat down. Clean the table. Wash the dishes. Clean her car. Go on a date. Be her friend.
My wife is God’s gift to me. Your wife is God’s gift to you. God’s kindness in our lives is demonstrated in no greater way outside our salvation than the gift of our wives. God provided her for you. God provided you for her. You are lifelong companions on the journey of life by God’s design. The least we can do guys is make it the most pleasant journey as possible for her!
Happy Valentine’s Day …
again, and again, and again.
Every day a Valentine’s Day
for our special gift from God.